22nd August 2006
After not much sleep, we headed down to the ICU to spend what maybe our last moment with Dane. I couldn't handle it and had to run to the toilet to throw up. This was such an impossibly bittersweet moment, on one hand this could save our baby or it could kill him. Today his fate was going to be decided and all we could do is wait.
Before Dane went into theater I couldn't hold him or cuddle him, there was barely anywhere where I could even kiss him! That was so hard, I couldn't even say goodbye to him properly. From the time he was in, time felt like it stood still, it was unbearable. The surgery would go for a minimum of 8 hours. The hardest thing for me to handle was the hospital staff. Dane was such a high profile case that everyone, even the cleaner knew what was happening. With the doctors and nurses there was a look that I had come to recognise, it's the look they give you when they know there's little hope. That was what I needed to escape from, so I sort out the chapel and spent the time willing my son to live and begging the powers to be to spare him.